Showing posts with label Goofing Around. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Goofing Around. Show all posts

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Inconvenient Truth???

3 Monitors But No Email?I wonder how many trees he killed with all that paper on his desk? He better have solar panels to power those 3 monitors!

Notice how he doesn't have an inbox anywhere. Is there a 4th monitor in Al Gore's office to check email??? Surely the guy who invented the internet uses email.

Sunday, May 20, 2007

It's Time For Violence: A song about Databases vs CodeMonkey

Since it is the weekend Here are 2 song for you, they both have something to do with programming.
First song is Time For Violence
A Song about Databases
Lyrics By Roy Osherove

You can download te mp3 here:

Here are some of the lyrics

Hello DB My old friend
I need to work with you again
That stored procedure aint lookin' well
Who wrote that trigger should go to jail
and that index, It is slower than a snail
What the hell

The second song is CodeMonkey by Jonathan Coulton

Code Monkey get up get coffee
Code Monkey go to job
Code Monkey have boring meeting
With boring manager Rob
Rob say Code Monkey very dilligent
But his output stink
His code not “functional” or “elegant”
What do Code Monkey think?
Code Monkey think maybe manager want to write god damned login page himself
Code Monkey not say it out loud
Code Monkey not crazy, just proud

Code Monkey like Fritos
Code Monkey like Tab and Mountain Dew
Code Monkey very simple man
With big warm fuzzy secret heart:
Code Monkey like you

Code Monkey hang around at front desk
Tell you sweater look nice
Code Monkey offer buy you soda
Bring you cup, bring you ice
You say no thank you for the soda cause
Soda make you fat
Anyway you busy with the telephone
No time for chat
Code Monkey have long walk back to cubicle he sit down pretend to work
Code Monkey not thinking so straight
Code Monkey not feeling so great

Code Monkey like Fritos
Code Monkey like Tab and Mountain Dew
Code Monkey very simple man
With big warm fuzzy secret heart:
Code Monkey like you
Code Monkey like you a lot

Code Monkey have every reason
To get out this place
Code Monkey just keep on working
See your soft pretty face
Much rather wake up, eat a coffee cake
Take bath, take nap
This job “fulfilling in creative way”
Such a load of crap
Code Monkey think someday he have everything even pretty girl like you
Code Monkey just waiting for now
Code Monkey say someday, somehow

Code Monkey like Fritos
Code Monkey like Tab and Mountain Dew
Code Monkey very simple man
With big warm fuzzy secret heart:
Code Monkey like you

And here is the Code Monkey video on YouTube

Monday, April 02, 2007

April 8th Is Almost Here

Why should you care? Here are 4 reasons

1) My Birthday
2) Final season of Sopranos starts
3) New season of Entourage starts
4) Easter

So finally the Sopranos will end ;-( I must admit that the last season wasn’t that great, the episode in which Tony had that crazy dream with that suitcase was just horrible. Watch out for the ducks in the last episode (remember the ducks in the first episode? They will be back and we've come full circle with the show)

I did not start watching Entourage until last season, since then I have watched all the episodes (thank you Comcast on demand). Jeremy Piven (Ari Gold) and Kevin Dillon (Johnny "Drama" Chase) are my favorite characters.

Easter, oh yes the day that I have to go to Church with my wife (I made a wedding day promise). My older son will have a lot of fun with all the eggs/chocolates and gifts that the Easter Bunny will bring

It is also my birthday on April 8th, I will be getting closer to midlife crisis. I will turn 37 that day, wait isn’t 37 the new 27?

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

SQL Server Speaks Almost As Many Languages As I Do

Saw this error while running a job

Error Code: 4860
Cannot bulk load. The file "%ls" does not exist.
Massenladen ist nicht möglich. Die Datei "%1!" ist nicht vorhanden.
Chargement en bloc impossible. Le fichier "%1!" n'existe pas.
???????????????? "%1!" ???????? No se puede realizar la carga masiva......

This is the first time that I have seen a multi-language error. It appears that SQL Server 2005 is a multi-language 'speaker'.
So we have 4 languages in this error

Cannot bulk load. The file "%ls" does not exist.

Massenladen ist nicht möglich. Die Datei "%1!" ist nicht vorhanden.

Chargement en bloc impossible. Le fichier "%1!" n'existe pas.

???????????????? "%1!" ???????? No se puede realizar la carga masiva (don't know what the deal is with those question marks, probabaly a missing font)

So I speak 2 of these languages and 2.5 other languages and also a dialect. But I can curse in many more ;-)

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Perfect SQL Developer Setup

Got this pic in the mail today. I have been working with a dual-monitor setup since 2001 but this is unquestionably better. Here is how I would use it.

Monitor1: Outlook, Word and Excel
Monitor2: Production SQL Servers
Monitor3: Staging and Development SQL Servers
Monitor4: Visual Studio, EditPlus, XML Spy, Sybase Power Designer, Visio, SQL Compare etc etc

You see, all work and no fun (makes Jack a dull boy)
Very SQLicious don’t you think? How would you use it?

Saturday, February 24, 2007

Friday, February 23, 2007

Math Geniuses?

What do you think? Can you answer these very difficult questions?

Sunday, February 18, 2007

Clerks II: Starwars vs Lord of the Ring Clip On YouTube

All right look, there's only one return, okay, and it ain't "of the King," it's "of the Jedi."

I own the extended version of the LOTR trilogy and also all the Star Wars movies. To me this is a useless debate since the LOTR trilogy is much better than the original Star Wars trilogy (Episodes 4-6). The YouTube clip is rated R so don’t say I didn’t warn you. And make sure you read the comments

Here are two of them

...Depth and coherence of a cartoon? At least Mr. Lucas has signed off on allowing people to expand the Star Wars universe. Millions of inhabited planets. Thousands of sentient beings. LIGHTSABERS. How's a ring gonna stop a blade of coherent light through the chest?

Aww...made the LOTR fans a little angry did we? So sorry we made your precious move feel inferior, but they were honestly drawn out way longer then they should have been and, wow, Star Wars was in NO WAY based off LOTR, that's just a silly assumption...stop complaining about it, it's not it matters to anyone, honestly.

Here is the link to the precioussss clip

Sunday, February 11, 2007

Clippy Is Not Dead, Clippy Is Alive.....On Linux

So we all know that Clippy hasn't made it to Office 2007 but guess what? Clippy is not dead, it's alive! DR. FrankGNUstein has dug up Clippy from the cemetery near Redmond, Clippy was resting (in peace) near MS Bob and now only an empty grave can be found.
Below is a picture of Clippy on Linux, kind of creepy and if you look closely you can still see the scars. Now you know why Seattle had a blackout recently because DR. FrankGNUstein used a tremendous amount of power to resurrect Clippy

Click on the image to see a bigger image. And yes I will post some real SQL later today, it will be about ten hardly used functions in T-SQL (STUFF, NULLIF, PARSENAME, REVERSE, UNICODE and more.....)

And if you want to see more Linux Clippy images and a video as well then visit this link:

Saturday, February 10, 2007

Wal-Mart Wine

Wal-Mart announced that, on January 1, 2007, it will begin offering
customers a new discount item - Wal-Mart's own brand of wine.

The world's largest retail chain is teaming up with Ernest & Julio
Gallo Winery of California to produce the spirits at an affordable
price, in the $2-$5 range.

Wine connoisseurs may not be inclined to throw a bottle of Wal-Mart
brand into their shopping carts, but "there is a market for
inexpensive wine," said Kathy Micken, professor of marketing at
University of Arkansas, Bentonville. She said: "But the right name
is important."

Customer surveys were conducted to determine the most attractive
name for the Wal-Mart wine brand. The top surveyed names in order of
popularity were:

10. Chateau Traileur Parc

9. White Trashfindel

8. Big Red Gulp

7. World Championship Riesling

6. NASCARbernet

5. Chef Boyardeaux

4. Peanut Noir

3. I Can't Believe It's Not Vinegar!

2. Grape Expectations

1. Nasti Spumante

The beauty of Wal-Mart wine is that it can be served with either
white meat (Possum) or red meat (Squirrel).

Sunday, January 21, 2007

SQL Server Doesn't Like Cheaters

I emailed a joke(see below) to some friends and one of them replied: "So what you're saying is that I should take a mistress?"

So that got me thinking, what would SQL say about this? Is mistress equal to mistrust. Well according to SQL server it is, run this in Query Analyzer

SELECT SOUNDEX('mistress'),SOUNDEX('mistrust'),DIFFERENCE('mistress','mistrust')

And here is the joke:

Two Ladies talking in heaven

1st woman: Hi! My name is Wanda.

2nd woman: Hi! I'm Sylvia. How'd you die?

1st woman: I Froze to Death.

2nd woman: How Horrible!

1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I
began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What
about you?

2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my
husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act.
But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.

1st woman: So, what happened?

2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere,and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.

1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer---we'd both
still be alive.

So what is the point of this all? Well it gives you a reason to run those barely used functions like SOUNDEX and DIFFERENCE ;>